DAY ONE: THE CRASH

• MORGAN FREEMAN'S SOOTHING VOICE: It was just a sunny day in Egypt when one unfortunate plane carrying two unfortunate bloggers crash-landed just above Sudan.
• SOOJIN: Oh no! Our plane has crashed! How are we even alive?! This is just like that movie about the plane crash!
• ERIN: Calm down Soojin, let's think ratio- MY LAPTOP!!?!?!! KSJBASDJVBAKJNK
• SOOJIN: Ok, we've watched the Discovery Channel. We can do this. We can totally do this.
• MORGAN FREEMAN: After 4 hours, they could not do it.
• ERIN: Ok, so we have shelter.
• SOOJIN: It's a cone made of sticks, Erin.
• ERIN: PESSIMISM WILL GET US NOWHERE SOOJIN
• MORGAN FREEMAN: The two kept bickering until, at last, they finally fell asleep under the plane wing, resolutely ignoring the corpses of their fellow passengers.

DAY TWO: THE BOAT

• MORGAN FREEMAN: At late morning, the two friends hatched an ingenious plan...
• ERIN: Ok, so we're going to have to get out of here somehow.
• SOOJIN: Potato, potato, ching chong tomato
• ERIN: Soojin, it's been one day. You're not dying of dehydration. You don't have sunstroke.
• SOOJIN: Fine. You're so boring.
• ERIN: Anyway, I have an idea. We have no idea about the geography of Egypt, where I'm assuming we are, but I think this is the Nile, and that's got to lead somewhere.
• SOOJIN: OH! So we build a boat out of the plane's wreckage, and set off!
• ERIN: Yeah!
• SOOJIN: Yeah!
• MORGAN FREEMAN: Somehow, they did it.
• SOOJIN: Wow. We actually built a boat. I guess Float Your Boat was pretty helpful after all.
• ERIN: It's getting late, so let's leave tomorrow morning.
• SOOJIN: LET'S GO EXPLORE! COME ON VAMANOS!
• ERIN: EVERYBODY LET'S GO
• MORGAN FREEMAN: *sigh*
• ***
• SOOJIN: This is Agent Soojin. *chhhh* We are currently in Egypt. Weather status: extremely hot and dry. *Desertification*, the turning of semidesert land into desert, has taken place, and the land around us is totally... deserty. Not much in sight, minimal plant life, mostly sand. We are right next to what seems to be the Nile River. It is the reasonable assumption due to the fact we were over Egypt when we crashed.
• ERIN: Soojin, who are you talking to, and why are you boring it with boring stuff.
• SOOJIN: If we're going to die, we might as well die smart people. And the identity of the person I'm talking to is... classified.
• ERIN: *sigh*

DAY FOUR: THE HEAT

• MORGAN FREEMAN: The girls have traveled a day in their surprisingly resistant boat. They wake from under their makeshift tent to discover that they are in danger of being roasted alive.
• SOOJIN: Erin, it's really really hot. What do we do. I can't feel my feet anymore. Do something. You're always reading those stupid survival comics.
• ERIN: Oh, I heard you could do this. See, you pour water on the tent thing, and it gets cooler.
• SOOJIN: Thank you Erin. Getting soaked in warm water was exactly what I needed. I just didn't know it then.
• ERIN: Shut up Soojin.
• SOOJIN: Why don't we try wearing turbans? I mean, the Arabs have survived here for ages, they probably know what they're doing.
• ERIN: Hey this actually kinda works.
• SOOJIN: Erin, help me.
• ERIN: No.

DAY FIVE: THE HUNT

• MORGAN FREEMAN: The girls have almost run out of food. They decide to make a brief stop upon the banks of the Nile and see if they can gather some supplies.
• ERIN: Soojin, I'm hungry. Is there any food left. Can we stop and see if there's any food.
• SOOJIN: Erin, this isn't exactly a drvie-thru.
• ERIN: No, you dork. Like, maybe there's a fox or something we can kill.
• SOOJIN: Fine. But you're killing the fox
• MORGAN FREEMAN: The girls take one of their long paddles and tie a rope made of strips of one of the shirts they took from their dead seatmate's bag. They quickly sharpen the end using their pocket-knife, successfully making a harpoon. Erin firmly places the stick into the bank, so they can get out and pull the boat ashore.
• SOOJIN: Wow. There's nothing here. Surprise!
• ERIN: What are you talking about! There's grass and trees and stuff! This is so cool! OMG HIPPOS
• SOOJIN: OMGOMG
• MORGAN FREEMAN: After much gamboling, Soojin and Erin reluctantly catch a few tropical birds with their new spear, and return to their boat crying the tears of their first kill.
• SOOJIN: I'M SO SO SORRY BIRDY
• ERIN: ME TOO BAWWGHHH get the wood Soojin we're gonna cook this burdy up
• SOOJIN: Sure Erin just a mo *GROSS SOBBING*
• MORGAN FREEMAN: The two eventually start a fire using a rock to make sparks on a bundle of dry grass and sticks. They eat one of the birds, sobbing all the while.

DAY THREE: THE RIVER

• MORGAN FREEMAN: As the girls get ready to go, the harsh sun beats down upon them.
• SOOJIN: Ok, so do we have everything? The soda and water from the airplane?
• ERIN: Check.
• SOOJIN: Food from the airplane?
• ERIN: Check.
• SOOJIN: The clothes removed from the decaying bodies of the passengers on the airplane?
• ERIN: Check.
• SOOJIN: The tiny useless hammer from the airplane?
• ERIN: Check.
• SOOJIN: Ok, I guess that's it. OH WAIT THE BOAT
• ERIN: Yes Soojin, we still have the boat.
• SOOJIN: Good. That took a long time to build. I mean, who knew planes were so hard to rip apart?
• MORGAN FREEMAN: They board their sturdy makeshift boat, and paddle down the wide river using large scoops made from the backs of the plane seats.
• SOOJIN: Hey, have you ever gotten that weird feeling your life is being narrated?
• ERIN: Shut up, Soojin.

DAY SIX: THE EPIPHANY

• MORGAN FREEMAN: While the boat floats down the river, Soojin has a small epiphany...
• SOOJIN: Hey Erin?
• ERIN: What.
• SOOJIN: Have you noticed anything different? I mean, about the weather?
• ERIN: I don't know, thinking about the weather isn't one of my favorite pastimes.
• SOOJIN: I mean, it's a lot less hot now. Actually, it's really nice and cool and dry.
• ERIN: Huh, you're right. It's probably because we're out of Egypt by now.
• SOOJIN: What, really? Already?
• ERIN: Well, yeah. We've been traveling a few days now, and we crashed near the bottom of Egypt, so we're probably in the middle of Sudan right now. Sudan's in East Africa, and the climate there's actually surprisingly cool. We're in the *tropics*, the area between the Tropics of Capricorn and Cancer. So, yeah.
• SOOJIN: WHOA
• ERIN: It's really not that big of a deal.
• SOOJIN: I should report this. *chhh* This is Agent Soojin, copy. We are traveling down the Nile River, currently somewhere in Sudan. Weather is surprisingly cool and dry. Geography and physical features are absolutely stunning, highly mountainous and very scenic. Large animals are frequently seen, such as crocodiles, elephants, and rhinos. Should be careful and avoid contact: they may be dangerous. Report over.
• ERIN: *sigh*

DAY SEVEN: THE FISH

• MORGAN FREEMAN: The two stop again at a river bank, and while Erin goes out to hunt some birds, Soojin sees some fish in the water. She quickly runs to the boat and returns with an empty water container. Returning to the riverside, she pulls out her earring and twists it into a hook shape. Then, she unravels a little thread from her shirt, and ties it to the earring, making a rudimentary fishing rod. Killing a nearby insect, she skewers it firmly onto the hook and dips it into the water.
• SOOJIN: Oh man oh man oh man I got one!
• MORGAN FREEMAN: Soojin takes the water container and swiftly scoops up the struggling fish into the container. It's not very big, but Soojin has time.
• ERIN: Look, Soojin! I got three birds and this snake!
• SOOJIN: OMG Erin what if it's poisonous and it kills us both or what if it's like Anaconda and it stalks and systematically eliminates us one by one
• ERIN: Anaconda was the Amazon river, you dork. Also, this is an African egg-eating snake. They're non-poisonous. I know because it used to be my favorite animal.
• SOOJIN: ERIN NO1!1! Are you ok??
• ERIN: *sniffles* I'll be fine.
• SOOJIN: Hey, look at all these fish I caught.
• ERIN: Man, Soojin, that's a lot of fish. How did you get all that?
• SOOJIN: I got bored.

DAY NINE: SCHISTOSOMIASIS

• MORGAN FREEMAN: As they cruise down the Nile, Erin is telling Soojin a particularly exciting story. As her hand gestures become more extravagant, she loses her balance...
• ERIN: ...and then, I looked her straight dead in the eye and said, "Loki no likey you."
• SOOJIN: BAHAHAHAHA!
• ERIN: Yeah! And then, she just hands over the penguin and leaves! I mean, who does that? Seriously, who does she think she's talking to, frakkin' Tony Stark? She gets on my nerv- AGHGHHKADJNAJNXKSNCKN
• SOOJIN: ERIN! NOOO!!!1!!
• MORGAN FREEMAN: Soojin grabs Erin just in the nick of time, and pulls her back into the boat.
• SOOJIN: Dude! You could have fallen in! There are like, parasites in there! You could die! There could have been chestbursters exploding out your ribcage, man! Seriously! Ok, take these. Crush them and put them on your clothes.
• ERIN: What are they?
• SOOJIN: They're gopo berries. They're extremely deadly to the parasites. They're like the Predators to those things, if we're continuing with that simile.
• ERIN: We're not. You are.
• SOOJIN: Jeez Erin, you're such a facehugger.

DAY EIGHT: THE OASIS

• MORGAN FREEMAN: Soojin and Erin's plentiful water supply is dwindling. They decide to make another quick stop to find some water not tainted by the parasitic worms infesting the Nile's water.
• SOOJIN: Ok, I heard that you can find water is by following animal tracks. So let's look for some.
• ERIN: Oh look! Elephant tracks!
• SOOJIN: Yay elephants! Let's go!
• MORGAN FREEMAN: The two follow the tracks to find an oasis, populated by a herd of elephants. They navigate carefully around the currently peaceful beasts, and fill their containers with water, then run back to their boat.
• SOOJIN: Oh man, those elephants were so cool! I love elephants. I wish I was an elephant.
• ERIN: That's great Soojin.
• SOOJIN: Elephants...
• ERIN: Why couldn't we have just waited until it rained or something? Those elephants were scary...
• SOOJIN: Silly Erin. We're in the savannah in the Nile valley, the rain doesn't come. There are *droughts* all over the place, that's when there isn't any rain for a long time-
• ERIN: Yes, yes Soojin. I know what a drought is. Thank you.

DAY TEN: THE HOLE

• MORGAN FREEMAN: While Erin is off hunting, Soojin takes a break from her fishing to inspect the boat. She accidentally pokes a small hole in the side of the boat, and runs off to find a remedy before Erin comes back and yells at her.
• SOOJIN: Ok, so I need to find an Apple of Sodom, ok, exploding fruit, okokok...
• MORGAN FREEMAN: Soojin rummages around the bush until she finds the plant she is looking for: Calotropis procera, the Apple of Sodom. Because the fruit is filled only with air and fibers, it explodes when placed under pressure, but the flesh contains a toxic sap that hardens into a gluey coating resistant to soap. She returns to the boat.
• SOOJIN: Ok, so let's see... I need a stick, a rock, and some sort of wood.
• MORGAN FREEMAN: Soojin quickly finds the materials she needs, and grinds the flesh until she gets a milky sap. She places the thin piece of wood on the hole, and glues it onto the boat, careful not to touch the sap.
• ERIN: Hey Soojin, I'm back. Did anything happen while I was gone?
• SOOJIN: I found these weird things. They blow up.
• ERIN: Woah.